Dwelling place of the Gizzard
Foolish individual! Run while you still can!



Welcome to the domain of the Gizzard, where the cows moo noisily, cheese dissapears in copious quantities, and the eyeballs levitate merrily and giggle at the carpet. Be wary, you are about to ingulf yourself in a plethora of hairy pointlessness; never before has a web site encompassed so much drivel on so many different subjects. Here you will find an abundance of cheese, stories of pet lepers, stupider feedback on the stupid stories, vortexes of doom, singing demons, hamster eating, the cult of Bob and much much more. Your eyes will sting, and your brain will throb painfully. Sign my guestbook or I'll nag you until your ears fall off, then you'll look like a leper and i'll have to eat you! I don't trust my ceiling. My sentence structure isn't very good. Cheese is your friend and Jaffa cakes aren't. Cakes i mean, they're biscuits.

If yer stuck in someone elses frames, click here to smite them. Make them die, make them bleed, make them explode in giant globules of framey pus!


Have a look with big freaky bloodshot eyeballs at:


Hey! Mentally challenged people! This the the menu bit! My page is big, but some people just come here and don't click on this, thinking it's really small. I mean, I ask you, what is the world coming to? Education today, eh? Teachers should be dismembered. That'd teach the buggers for producing people who think my page is small. Ha! DisMenmBermEnt, DisMeMbeRmENt! I rant too much. Sorry. Ooh, this is long innit? You'll be one of those people who load up web sites without viewing the images if you're reading this. Stoppit! My page is graphicly intensive and impressive! I'm a shallow person, and by having no interesting content, i make this page good with all the graphics. Turn them on now! Nooooooowwwwww!


The all serious bit, where I go all responsible and helpful. Zoinks! I'm a minister of Fortunecity's Pubs district, come to uncle Gizzard with your problems. Let me...... help you... nya ha ha ha haaaaaaaa! *cough* *wheeze*


Sign Gizz's guestbook. You know you want to. No, you DO, you KNOW you want to, right? Don't make me beg, pleease! Have a wee shufftie at it first, before you SIGN IT, 'cos you're going to SIGN IT aren't you? Like the guestie book questions? Want more of a far more ridiculous manner? Hurrah! This is where you wanna be!

Curses! Mild expletives! Yet again, I have fallen pray to the foul god of guestbook deaths, who cruelly took my guestbook from us on the 30th of march, to the great guestie book heaven, because stupid Alamak.com had a hardware crash or sommink. But now, a new guestie book rises from the ashes, to have more questions, become more colourful, more stupid, and ummm, a lot smaller. So now you're gonna have to sign in again! Hurrah! Unless that is, you've already signed the new one, but no, that doesn't matter - sign in again under a different name! Help me retain this obscure delusion that i'm likable! After you've done that, fill in my questinnaire or i'll come round to your house and prod you with a big pointy hurty stick. And i'll laugh. These options are on the front page, and they have their own little gifs so they MUST BE IMPORTANT! You, the homepage visitor must obey! Raargh, I seem to be engulfed in a power hungry rant!


bang, crash, wallop, kablooey, etc
I used to beg for mail, but now I get too much! I used to go the the extremes of bribing people with a cheese poem, but no, not no more. Serves you right for not visiting my page before! Nya-ha-haaaa! YoU craZy fOolS! Ooh, look, crazy writing - aren't I cool and mad? ;o) NOTE: crazy writing jibe written with only slight hints of self mockery.
[email protected]
 If you stare at this too much it'll hurt your brain. Fun!


Page last updated: 4th September 1998


I'm fed up with missing out on about 300 per 1000 hits with my nice looking siteflow.com banana counter, so i'm changing to my nice bravenet more reliable one. It looks ick, but hopefully it'll work. Hopefully. I'm not optimistic here, I have a bad history with counters, they hate me, they want me to suffer. So, like the masochist i am, i've gotten 2 now, my plain Bravenet one, and my funky but bannered one from this place I can't remember, which randomises my counter font every time, which is niiice. But it's still bannered. Hmmm. These are my 5th and 6th counters, if anyone knows a funky looking, reliable, bannerless, customisable, fast loading counter, feel free to mail me, my cheese loving chums :o)
You Are Victim Number:


this is really naff! Innit just sooooo great?
Isn't that just the height of tackyness? Hooray! Ok, you've reached the end of the page now, this is the boring bit. Go do something else.